A Difficult Cycle

I am currently starting the fifth week of my fifth cycle of chemotherapy. I have to say, this has been a difficult cycle. Each cycle seems to be unique, with a different side effect being dominant. The list of side effects doesn't change much, but it appears that each side effect has its day in the sun, or in this case, its cycle to be the mother of all side effects.

You've seen previous posts about hand foot syndrome. That was a major issue in cycle one and came up again briefly in cycle four. There has been the ever present chemo-gut sickness that seems to be more pronounced in the evening. This has been there for every cycle, but seemed to be dominate in cycle four.

This cycle has brought on two issues that I am asking you to pray for. The first, is one that has always been there but just not in a significant way. It is fatigue. Fatigue is that feeling of absolute total tiredness, a feeling that you can't even afford to expend the energy to get up from your chair. On some days, it is so bad that even the act of getting out of bed after nine hours of sleep seems to take too much energy. It isn't an everyday problem. Take this week for example, Tuesday was horrible. I slept nearly ten hours before waking up late on Tuesday. I woke up tired and stayed tired, no, exhausted, all day. However, the next two days were great, some fatigue, but no exhaustion.

The other issue that has come up this time is a new one. It is something that I feared when I saw it on the side effect list at the start of my chemo program. It is depression. Not the total dark, suicidal, kill me now kind of depression. No, this is just a vale of darkness that seems to fall over me when I least expect it. Sometimes, as I'm getting ready for bed. I'm so tired but can't get strength to sleep. That darkness will fall. Or maybe it's at the office and I just can't put it all together to complete an important task. That darkness will fall.

Finally, there is the issue of the findings from my last CT scan. Has my cancer returned? Or, is it simply unexplained shadows or a malfunction in the CT equipment? I go to the cancer center on Monday for a new set of CT scans, then back again on Thursday to visit with my oncologist. I believe that the weight of the fact that there may be something more that is wrong with me has only contributed to the fatigue and the depression that has been there for this round of chemo.

I'm being very open with everyone here. Open in a way that I have not really been before. Why? It's simple. I need your prayers. This cycle of my chemo and my current emotional state has been more than I had been prepared to carry. I know that our Lord is able to see me through this. Please pray with me that He will provide the strength I need to continue doing with I love to do each day at Book of Hope. Pray that the darkness that creeps up occasionally will be cast away with the enemy who brings it on. And pray that the visit to the cancer center will reap nothing but good news and praises to our Lord.

Thank you for your prayers and thank you to all those who have sent notes of encouragement. I truly appreciate you all.

Photos From Haiti on Flickr

Photo's from what is likely Wayne's last official trip to Haiti are now posted on Flickr. Click here to view them. Wayne has transitioned the Regional Director's responsibilities for Haiti over to Richard Luna, our Regional Director for the remainder of Latin America. Wayne will now be focused on Innovation, finding and developing the next new ministry tools and processes for Book of Hope.

Photos From Southern Asia & Brazil on Flickr

Photos from Wayne's April trip to Southern Asia and May trip to Brazil have been added to our Flickr photo archive at http://www.flickr.com/photos/yourworldmissionaries/.

A Week In Brazil

I've landed in Brazil. This is my third trip to this beautiful country. I will spend most of my time this week working with church partners in Recife and New Iguacu, near Rio de Jeneiro. My goal for this trip is to better understand how ministry takes place in Brazil, then work with our national leadership team to engage in a little innovative thought about how to be even more effective in reaching all the children and youth of Brazil. Please keep us in your prayers this week, as the work and planning we are doing will impact the ministry in Brazil for years to come.

The Saga Continues

I had a very interesting visit with my oncologist yesterday. Those of you who have been through cancer or helped a family member deal with this affliction know that the last word you want to use to describe a visit with an oncologist is the word "interesting." When I had my last CT done about 13 weeks ago, it was much like the previous two scans, showing a few small shadows, but nothing that was a concern. This week's CT scan shows a 1.3 cm spot on my lung and a 0.6 cm spot on my liver, as well as numerous swollen lymph nodes around my spleen. My oncologist was noticeably concerned about these findings. I am going to have the CT scan redone in five weeks and a determination will be made then about the need for a biopsy of the lung and liver.

Needless to say, this was difficult news to receive. Tammy and I continue to believe that the Lord is going to provide a complete healing. We ask that you join together with us in petitioning heaven for the same results. And pray for comfort. Five weeks really isn't that long, unless you have this type of issue hanging out there.